


Avengers React to...

by UmiAzuma



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Daredevil (TV), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Punisher (TV 2017)
Genre: Avengers react, Earth continues to be confusing for Thor, Frank is very amused, Gen, I have no idea, Matt has the best stories, Protect These Kids, Sam Is So Done, Tony and Rhodey are bros, YouTube, also super gay with each other, avengers eating weird stuff, based on Drag Queens React video, make me stop, react videos, so are steve and bucky
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-07
Updated: 2018-11-07
Packaged: 2018-12-24 23:25:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12023271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UmiAzuma/pseuds/UmiAzuma
Summary: Avengers reacting to things.Suggest something they can react to.ETA: Matt and Frank are in the second chapter :)





	1. Vegemite

**Author's Note:**

> This first chapter is based on the Drag Queens React to Vegemite video.
> 
> Other chapters may me made later.

The video starts with Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes coughing and choking on something, spitting brown goo on a sheet of paper.

“It’s so gross! Oh my God, it’s so gross!” Yells Steve, still spitting on the sheet, then turns to Bucky. “It’s on your leg!”  
“It’s on my leg!” Bucky flails, trying to remove it from his leg.

 

The screen changes to a brown background and big black letters that say “Avengers React to Vegemite”.

Cut to Natasha Romanoff

“Vegemite. No!” Says Natasha, as her name appears at the bottom left of the screen. “I’ve never had it, I know what it is, but I’ve never actually seen it or tried it.”

 

Cut to Thor, admiring the jar as his name appears on the screen.

“I am always so surprised at Midgardian food!”

 

Cut to Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes, their respective names appear under each one of them.

“I am a citizen of the world, so I am familiar with the cuisine of foreign countries.” Says Bucky, as he is being handed the jar.

 

Cut to Tony Stark and Rhodey.

“We have vegemite, this is an Australian product.” Says Tony.  
“Did you know vegemite was made of the leftover yeast from the bottom of beer barrels?” Says Rhodey.  
“I had no idea; I just knew it smelled weird.”

 

Cut to Sam Wilson.

“I have actually never heard of this.”

 

Cut back to Natasha.

“Let’s get into this gig, bitch.”

 

Cut back to Steve and Bucky.

   
“What’s it made of though?”  
“Let’s read the ingredients.” Steve takes the jar and proceeds to read it out loud in an Australian accent. “It’s a rich source of vitamin B. No artificial colors and flavors.”

 

Cut back to Sam Wilson.

“No artificial colors and flavors.”

 

Cut to Thor.

“A rich source of vitamin B.”

 

Cut back to Tony and Rhodey.

“Well it says here that you can eat it on toast and crackers.” Says Tony.  
“Yeah.”  
“But,” Tony looks Rhodey up and down, “I wanna eat it out yo’ ass!”  
“Well it looks like it came out of there, look at that shit, man!” Rhodey laughs out loud, Tony does the same.

 

Cut to Natasha opening the jar, then smelling it.

“It smells suspicious.”

 

Cut back to Thor, he takes a long whiff of the jar, and then closes it again very slowly.

“That’s enough smelling. Goodbye.”

 

Cut back to Bucky and Steve. They smell the jar too.

“It smells like your bathroom sink, but there’s hair in it, and you pull that thing out and there’s a trail of hair and toothpaste coming out of that thing.” Bucky makes a pulling motion.  
“That’s what I’m saying! It smells like drain!”

 

Cut to Sam Wilson.

“Well this looks like chocolate, man, so I’m just gonna pretend its chocolate.” Sam looks at the camera and makes a crying face; he takes a spoon and has a taste.

 

Cut back to Natasha. She is taking a small taste of it, and then makes a face.

“She tastes like fucking shit but, you know…” She shrugs.

 

Cut back to Steve and Bucky.

“Are you gonna give us water or are you just gonna sit there and watch me flail?” Bucky says, looking at the camera.  
“Do you have water?”  
Someone away from the camera says a muffled yes. Steve nods.  
“Oh great.”

 

Cut back to Sam. The product is on the tip of his tongue and he makes a disgusted face, making negative noises and trying (and failing) to take it off his tongue.

 

Cut to Thor, he takes a small taste, and then looks at the camera like he’s affronted.

“It’s so salty!”

 

Cut to Tony and Rhodey.

“Tone, it’s in your teeth!” Rhodey laughs out loud, Tony looks at the camera and smiles, and one of his teeth is completely black.  
“Hi there!” He says, then laughs out loud.

 

Cut back to Thor.

“It tastes like my brother’s first attempt at love potions.” He wipes his tongue with a tissue, then tries to spit the tissue that got stuck in it unsuccessfully.

 

Cut back to Steve and Bucky, they have two plastic spoons with just the tip dipped in vegemite.

“Okay, I love you.” Bucky says.  
“Okay, cheers.” Steve bumps his spoon with Bucky’s.  
“Okay, one, two, three.”

They both take the spoons to their mouths and immediately start coughing.

 

Cut back to Tony and Rhodey.

“Hey, I wanna put some on my teeth too!” Rhodey takes the jar.  
“Yeah, that’s fun.”

 

Cut back to Sam.

“That’s nasty, I…” He starts coughing again, then takes a bottle of water.

 

Cut back to Thor.

“There’s different tastes for different people… I guess.” He closes the jar again. “But this is not for me.”

 

Cut back to Steve and Bucky, they are still coughing and spitting.

 

Cut back to Tony and Rhodey.

“Hey, fellas!” Rhodey says, smiling widely and showing his dark tooth. Tony is laughing out loud.

 

Cut back to Steve and Bucky. Steve is blowing raspberries onto a sheet of paper.

“Get it out of me!” Yells Steve. “I need it out of my body, I need, I need it out of me!”  
“Oh my God, that’s gross!” Bucky laughs, Steve takes a gun from Bucky’s leg and starts licking it. “It’s stuck to my teeth! It’s under my teeth!”

 

Cut back to Natasha, she is taking a big gulp of water.

“The taste kind of stays with you.” She makes a disgusted face. “It kind of grows.”

 

Cut back to Tony and Rhodey.

“I actually liked it.” Rhodey says.  
“Yeah, I don’t mind it either. I’m not mad about it.”

 

Cut back to Steve and Bucky. Steve is hunched in his chair; water bottle in hand, Bucky is taking a big gulp of water.

“It’s not really helpful to drink water.”

 

Cut back to Tony and Rhodey.

“I would put this like in a nice sourdough crostini, with like a drizzle of olive oil and then just a light schmear and a Persian cucumber.” Tony says, completely deadpan, Rhodey laughs lightly. “And some smoked pink salt.”  
“Oh my God.”

 

Cut back to Sam.

“That’s nasty, man, that’s so nasty.”

 

Cut back to Tony and Rhodey. Tony is holding the closed jar up.

“Alright, spread on your hole!” He exclaims, Rhodey bursts into a fit of laughter, so does Tony. Rhodey almost falls off his chair.  
“No!”

They keep laughing.

 

Cut to Natasha.

“I mean we could have tried something else, like, I don’t know crickets. I like crickets. They’re crunchy and taste good with ketchup.”

 

Cut to Sam, he’s trying to wipe the vegemite off his fingers.

“Man, it’s stuck to me like poop!”

 

Cut back to Steve and Bucky. Steve gives Bucky’s gun another long lap with his tongue.

“I feel like I’m gonna die.” Steve sits back, and then puts the gun down on the table.  
“I don’t deserve this. Next you’re gonna want to try…” Bucky looks at the gun and then at Steve. “You do deserve this.”

They both laugh.

 

Cut back to Tony and Rhodey. They are still laughing.

“Don’t forget to subscribe!” Tony says, he’s red in the face and still giggling. “And spread it in yo’ hole!”  
“Oh my God, stop!” Rhodey starts laughing again; there are tears in his eyes. The video cuts.


	2. Daredevil and Punisher: Worst date ever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Today we're gonna talk about aging and we can't do that until the Guanajuato mummy that calls itself The Punisher sits the hell down."

Daredevil is sitting on a stool, a white background behind him, he's in a dress suit but wearing a red mask.

"Today we're gonna talk about aging and we can't do that until the Guanajuato mummy that calls itself The Punisher  _sits the hell down_."

Frank Castle appears from the left, guffawing and sits down.

"You-You-You know what? I will not allow myself to be antagonized, bullied and singled out in this program on this good Tuesday. I offer wisdom and insight in this regard."

Daredevil's lips twist a little and he shrugs.

"If you say so."

There's a cut and they are both once again sitting on their stools on a white background. Frank Castle perks up unnaturally.

"Hi! I'm the voice in the back of your head that is constantly saying" the screen changes to a hell fire background, Frank's eyes turn red and he has devil horns, his voice is horribly distorted "YOU'RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH!"

The screen goes back to normal, Daredevil takes his stool and moves a little away from him.

"And I am the other voice in your head that says" the screen changes to a cloudy background, an organ church plays in the background "If tha Lawd can lead ya to it, he can lead ya through it!"

The last sentence is said in a heavy southern accent. Frank Castle barks a laugh.

"I can't believe you did that!"

"Guys, get in here, I told you I could do that!"

"Aaah you dumb bitch..." Frank wipes a tear from his eyes.

There's static for a second and a cut. Daredevil is now swinging on his stool from left to right. He stops.

"We're actually gonna talk about dating today."

"Oh my  _God_..." Frank groans.

"What?"

"You know I only dated  _one_ person and that person became my wife?"

"That's sad."

"And all our dates were super calm things because we were super calm and boring people."

"When did you become  _this_?" Daredevil gestures to Frank's entire body.

"When they  _killed her,_ you dumb bitch!"

"Right, you're right sorry that was insensitive."

"Yes it was! I'm glad you recognize that!"

"I can't believe you only dated one person your whole life, and then you married and had kids."

"Did you have a bunch of dates when you were young?"

"Bitch, I'm young right now! And yes I've had a lot of dates"

"What's the worst date you ever had?" 

"Oh my God, hold on to that stool, I have the best stories." Daredevil fixes his tie and clears his throat. "When I was a  _young boy_ -"

"Did your father take you to the city to see a marching band?"

There is silence for a beat, then they both start laughing loudly. Daredevil flails and smacks Frank's arm.

"You're such an idiot! Yes he did!" Frank stands and walks out of frame. "Get back here you ass!"

There's a cut and they are both back in their seats.

"When I was younger, like, eighteen or so, I met this guy at a library-"

"A guy? This date was with a _dude_?"

"Yes! _Focus_ , Frank! And I can't even remember his name at this point in time and if he's seeing this I am  _so sorry_."

"Nah you're not, Red."

"You're right, I'm not, this was embarrassing. Anyway, I met this guy, we start talking, after a few dates he invites me to his house-"

"Ooohhh." Frank looks at the camera with a fake scandalized look.

"HE INVITES ME TO HIS HOUSE. This is where it gets creepy, okay? I knock on the door and he opens up and he's holding three fat Chihuahuas in his arms."

"Sweet Mother of Christ..."

"But it's cool, you know? I can work with this, just-"

"Crate the dogs, I can work with this!"

"Yeah! Just lock them away, I don't want them to see, they're babies!" Frank wheezes. "Okay he actually put the dogs away, he invites me in and there's this whole Native American theme going on  _in the entire house_ , like there's a wooden table in the living room with a carved horse with this round cristal on top of it."

"Oh God..." Frank stands up and walks out of frame.

"Get back here, it's not even the worst part."

"What?" Frank comes back and sits down.

"And an embroidered portrait of a Native American man in a horse hanging on a wall, there's one of those things where grandmothers store the china they're never gonna use but they never let you use it."

"I know the ones."

" _Packed_ with Native American figurines in horses and with wolves and stuff and I just hope the theme is just reduced to the living room."

"This is a rollercoaster, I love it already."

"He tells me to sit down so I sit in this single couch and I notice to my left there's a box with yarn and knit work and some magazines, you know like women's weekly and cosmo and whatever. He comes back sans dogs and says 'Oh don't touch that, that's my mom's' and-" Frank groans.

"What?"

"I say 'no big deal' right? I ask 'Oh your mom is here, you take care of her, she lives here' and that's nice, you know?"

"Yeah."

"But he says 'My mom and dad died two years ago and I haven't changed anything in the house', I-" Frank sighs, stands up and walks out of frame, Daredevil turns to him out of frame. "This is happening."

"That's terrible." Frank says as he comes back and sits again.

"And it's in Hell's Kitchen so I know I'm gonna die, 'cause all of New York's serial killers are from Hell's Kitchen."

"This has been a rollercoaster from start to finish, I love it."

"There's more, it's not over."

"What the  _fuck_?! You stayed there?" 

"Yes, hold on-"

" _Why_?!"

"Because I was a horny teenager, that's why!"

"Relatable." Frank says to the camera, then turns back to the Devil. "Go on."

"We go up to his room and I shit you not, there is a big Lisa Frank poster, you know Lisa Frank, right?"

"Those things with the colorful animals and shit?"

"Yah!"

"My daughter loved those! Because it was Lisa and it was also Frank! It was hilarious."

"Aawww! Anyway! He has this big LIsa Frank poster that takes up most of the door with this colorful rainbow-puked unicorn."

"Sweet Jesus..."

"And on the  _other_ side of the room there's a Lion King poster like the ones from the movie theater," at this point, Daredevil is gesticulating wildly, "and he has this bookcase full of Disney VHS!"

"Was this guy even your age?"

"HE WAS OLDER THAN ME, BITCH!"

"WHAT?"

"He was like, twenty one? Twenty two? I don't remember, he was older. Anyway-"

"This is too fucking much." Frank says to the camera, then turns back to him. 

"Focus! He has a bookcase with Disney VHS and in this same bookcase he has this binder, and the binder has pages and pages with every Disney movie, every page has a synopsis and information about each movie, and he has a bunch of Disney Princess stuff. He even had a  _Cinderella dress_  he said he wore for  _prom_."

"Was it an exact replica?"

"It  _was_ an exact replica."

"I'm impressed."

"Oh and his bed was broken so it was like this" He gestures with both hands to one side to show the bed is turned down to the left, Frank is absolutely losing his mind.

"That's terrible, did you walk out? Please tell me you walked out."

"I was in too deep, my dude..." Daredevil puts his hands on his lap and turns to Frank. The Punisher puts a hand on his shoulder and nods.

"That's what  _he_ said, isn't it?"

Daredevil turns away, snorting.

"You're terrible!"

There's static for a second, then the Stark Entertainment logo appears on the screen.


End file.
